New Life

I must say that I have a new life, I had a lot of things happen since I last wrote a post. I found myself stressed and unhappy. But, I didn't share that fact with most, not even my closest friends knew. I found out at the end of February, that I was going to have a surgery. I don't know why but as I started to recover, I was looking at my life differently. I always felt unhappy with the way the years were going with my husband. He wasn't the man I thought he was. It started so long ago, and because of all the emotional abuse I endured over the years, I ended up starting to feel like it was all my fault. But, once I had time by myself to really reflect it hit me. I was home for 6 weeks just about by myself. Hayden was in daycare everyday, and I did have homework to do each day, But, I was able to really think about things for hours without anybody around. And, with it being my 30th birthday soon, I just realized that I wanted more than what I was getting. It was scary to come to that conclusion. I wanted answers or some kind of closure and I ended up getting more of an insight than I could ever imagine. And, shortly before I was about to return to work. I was just sitting their one day, doing my homework. And, I got a message on my phone. Now when I tell you this story. It will seem crazy but it's important. It simply was a sign that I could finally get the answers I was looking for from my past. I thought ok, why is this guy following me on Facebook at all, but were not friends. It didn't make sense to me, so I decided shortly after a day, that I would request him as a friend. This guy was my first crush from High School, and even though I did we never dated, we didn't run in the same circles. Then we graduated and I started to think about him even when I had I decided in 2004 to contact him on Classmates, and then we were talking. Then one night he invited me over, but he was drunk. We made out and it got pretty hot quick, But, it wasn't meant to be that night. The next couple of days, it was hardly any texts and from then on I never heard from again. Even after I got married, I thought about him sometimes. It happened so often that I started to get frustrated and would try to ignore it. I tried throughout my marriage to have him accept me as a friend on My Space and than Facebook. For 7 years after our one night, I never understood why he would blow me off like that. That is why this is now not a crush. This is a hope for something that I can't even put into words,  And, within 4 hours he accepted. Then, I thought ok do I message him, what should I do, the next day I decided to send a message of just Hi with a smile. And, I think it was pretty quickly he sent back, Hey, How are you? and from their, it was very slow. We message each other back and forth, he said that he only hoped good things for me. And, than I guess, it was a week before I got a reply, it was one week before I was going to return to work. We then texted. And, well I had a lot of insight and what he was saying. I cant reveal this guys name yet. BUT, what I can say is that I really like him and always have, and I'm not sure if I ever will have closure on this, but I really hope that I can find out, as he said where things could go between us. But, it's still too early, and I need to not rush this and not get too hopeful god knows I went through so much pain. I really want to remain positive and hope for great things. And, some days I can hold on to that hope and other days I'm not so sure. I guess only time will tell.

Been a while!!!

I really wish I had more time to write down my thoughts. But, here I am. So many things to get in this post. First off, I had a little bit of a hiccup in my workouts when I got sick in mid November, but I recovered faster then I expected and I believe it was because of my workouts. But, unfortunately between getting sick for a duration of about 2 weeks, and still having a lingering cough for another 2 weeks. I ended up taking a hiatus from working out. Not that I didn't try on 4 diffrent occasions to get back to it but needless to say I have allot of catching up to do. The school semester was a busy one, but I succeeded I ended up with a B for Business Law and an A for Small Business. It was a very successful semester, I'm so proud. In doing that I was able to resolve paying back my work what I owed for Tuition Reimbursement, so I will not need to deal that fiasco anymore.
I'm really pleased with how the year has turned out. I really have a great life and feel blessed for everything I have.
I've been in contact with our mortgage consultant and he said that it's coming closer for us to apply for a house. I am really hoping good things for us next year. I've been seeing all these great buys on houses, and some our even looking like such a wonderful place to live. I'm trying to be patience, but I think the ornament I bought this year for the tree really said's it all HOPE. I really hope it happens.
Other then that. I tried to apply for a couple of positions with my company, but the one that was the most sad is the QA position I applied for. I had the interview and from what I heard I impressed them but it was just no quite good enough. I kind of new that coming out of the interview, but I still felt like I had a shot at a second interview. Oh well! I did feel fortunate enough to have a job. I've started listening to the news allot more. I love NPR I get a lot of news quickly and I feel like I know a lot more then I did the day before.
I also have found myself into reading books. I feel that any reading is better than nothing. I would of went to bed much earlier last night but I was finishing my latest library book. Prosecuting Casey Anthony. I was so invested in the case and trial that I felt it was good for me to read the book. I have another one I have to read and I'm trying to get in as much reading as I can for this short window of time because classes start again on January 9Th. I have this semester coming up: Macroeconomics ( hoping to like it more) and Exceptional Customer Service which should only help with my jobs to come.
I also got into a new drama series that I absolutely love, it is Desperate Housewives!!! I highly recommend watching the series, I'm bummed their ending new year. But, I will always have the episodes dear to my heart and now I can watch it on Sunday nights!!
Besides that my whole attitude about Christmas is different this year. I'm very excited and looking forward to the future!!
Here's to a Healthy and Happy New Year for all my friends!!

20 pounds!

I have lost 20 lbs so far, and feeling great. I'm almost up to 5 months of working out. It's a process that I have to be very patient with. It takes about 5 months to lose 20 lbs. then I know I have a ways to go. I can be really good through the holidays I might be able to say I weigh 190 which would be awesome!!!
I'm so excited for the months ahead, I know during the cold times, I'm going to continue to workout so I can say on my birthday I lost 65 lbs all by myself, It's a big one I turn the big 3-0 . I can't even believe it. I have to say getting in shape is really tough but completly worth it, I'm wearing size 18 in pants again. And hoping to get down to a size 10 by next year. If I lose that much weight I don't see how I couldn't get to that. I know my goal is far away. But, i'm taking small steps towards that each day.
I feel confident that I can do it I just have to stay focus, motivated and strong. I have implementing weight lifting, cardio and ab crunches and stretches to my workouts. I've been trying to recently increase weight with the lifting. I do several arm excersises and leg excersises which I can see the results finally paying off. I am at the point where if I don't go atleast 5 days out of the week or get atleast 7 hours in total I am down and I tend to have something of my body hurt. I am just continuing down the path of a thinner me and couldn't be more pleased.
Here's to working out and staying in shape!!!

Kick off to September/Labor Day!!

It was a busy holiday weekend this year at the Heule household. On Friday Cynthia and her girls came over to see Hayden it had been over a year since they seen him last time. Cynthia and I hung out for a little bit and enjoyed the evening just chatting and catching up, it had been since April that we got together. We had a great time!!
On Saturday morning, Erik and I headed out and went to several different places, we had to get our Fall shopping in for Hayden. He needed pants, shirts, jacket, boots and socks. WE went to Once Upon A Child and Kohls to complete his clothes shopping excursion. Later in the day, I framed all the pictures of Hayden in the nice frames I got at Cost-co. I also turned in my film, that I'm excited to see what's on it. I will be picking up after work today. We debated on buying a shredder and other items, but we have alot of other stuff to buy so we will have to come back to it and see. Erik and I both workout on Saturday night and by that point it was really late.
On Sunday morning Erik and I went to the State Fair with Hayden. We hadn't been out with Hayden yet this year on a busy place like the fair. Quite exhausting let me tell you, but we managed just fine. WE spent the whole day there, and met up with his friend from school and his wife and their daughter. Erik and I really had a great time and Hayden got to see a bunch of animals: pigs, goats, ducks, rooster, horses and sheep etc. Hayden went on rides for the first time, and he really enjoyed that. By the time we got home from the fun filled day of eating bad food and lots of walking we were sore and tired. I ended up going to bed around 8:30.
On Monday we planned on going to my parents for dinner, we went out to eat to get some breakfast and then later I headed to my parents house with Hayden, I ended up going to Target to purchase some regular shoes for Hayden. We had one pair their so cute, they have spiderman on them, but we had to get some dress shoes and one other pair of regular shoes, so I picked those up with my Mom, later we all hung out, and shortly after Erik came by, we all hung out for a bit, I ended up staying closer to 7, and was up way to late last night.
But, now it's back to school work and working out. Even though I enjoy having summers off, I enjoy Fall coming because my shows are on again: Survivior, American Next Top Model, Parenthood, Modern Family and any other show I want to watch. I know that Covert Affairs will be back along with Secret Life. I love The Secret Life of a American Teenager. It's such a gulity pleasure that I watch it. Well, another week starts now. I'm so excited are new computer will be here soon and the new Sims 3 Pets comes out next month along with Hayden's Birthday, I can't believe he's going to be 2!! He has so much personality. I just love him so much!! And, Dad and I have the concert on Oct 20th the Australain Pink Floyd Show. I am also looking forward to hoping doing baking this year with my parents and Hayden. Giving cookies to familes etc for Christmas.

My 5 Year Anniversary with Erik!!

We had the day off, we slept in and got up around 9 or so and had breakfast at The Original Pancake House, we had a nice breakfast had some amazing pancakes, they were on special they had raspberry syrup with a zest of lemon and they were lighter than pancakes actually. So good! great food!! Then we had to run errands. I bought tickets for a concert with my Dad on Oct 20Th the Pink Floyd Australian Show, we have great tickets, I'm super excited. We also bought Beth (my sister in law's gift) for her baby shower. We then went to lunch later at Yum! a really yuppie joint. After lunch we went over to pick out outfits for our day out, then we came home and hung out for a bit, later Hayden was home to see us, with my Mom and taking him for the night so we could go out to dinner and see a movie. WE were originally planning on going to Mannies and spending a ton of money and we had a reservation, but that changed and we decided to do something else, we went first to Koran Grill but it had allot of sushi etc, which I couldn't eat, so there wouldn't be a point of ordering from there, then we went to a steak house place but it was more family orientated so we left again and went to Red Stone, we ate on the balcony, we had some great food, I had steak with a baked potato and cooked asparagus, we also skipped the desert we were full. We started with our beer and appetizer so we got full. WE went to One Day after dinner. It was really good, but sad at the same time. After dinner we came back home and watch the start of Ghostbusters and then went to sleep. It was a wonderful day. Each year we read our vows to each other in the spot where we seen each other for the first time on the day we got married but we had to read them a day late, we were busy busy. My sister in law had her shower, my little newphew Lucas is due in about a month. So excited!

Summer Almost to a Close!

I first off have to say that this has been one of the best summers for me in a long time. I've been working out since the end of April. And now I'm finally see the results each month. I've lost a total of 18 lbs, I'm decreasing in my pants so fast that I feel theirs no reason to buy really nice jeans when I'm going to continue to drop down sizes. I have this vision of looking fabulous in whatever I put on, and I am working towards that goal slowly. I am thinking about when I can say that I'm down to my pre-pregnancy weight. It's been so long I've actually forgotten what my weight actually was. All I know is that when I get under the 200 mark it will feel so good. I'm feeling like it's really in my reach now, if I keep decreasing at a healthy 4 lbs-5 lbs lost each month then I will get down to the size I was in high school by next summer!! My ultimate goal was to be a size 10, which I don't think is out of reach now.

The next thing is school is starting next week, and it will be another adjustment but I'm looking forward to the next semester after that Erik and I have decided that what's right for the family is if I drop down to one class a semester, at least for the time being. I have 2 Accounting, 2 economic and 4 math classes left, and I can't see being success in taking on 2 of those each semester and getting everything else done. Erik was able to find a degree plan tailored to what he really wanted to teach, special education, the two classes I'm taking this semester will pay off the remainder of what I owe Medica as well about the tuition reimbursement issue.

I also feel like I've had lots of time with Hayden this summer, he's growing so wonderfully and he's got such a big personality. I love him so much, I can't believe he's going to be 2 soon!!

I'm looking forward to going to the Twins game with my Dad this Thursday, and next Friday Erik and I celebrate our 5 year Anniversary, We are planning something very special. The next day is Beth's baby shower, my nephew will be due any day now. And, one of my best friends is getting married September 17Th, and has invited Erik and I to stay two night in a bed and breakfast in Red Wing, I'm excited. I'm hoping that I look good in the dress I bought months ago for the occasion. I'm really trying to fit back into my clothes that I haven't worn for so long. So excited!! And to buy new things as well. And, all I know the fall is going to go as fast as the summer went.

But, I have to say this year has been good to me so far. I've been healthy this year. And, I couldn't be happier isn't helping me get in shape. I crave to workout now, if I don't I get really restless and can't sleep very good. I'm feeling positive about the changes I'm making and I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere with my weight!! life is good.

Things are looking up!!

It finally happend, I was approved for a credit card, I can finally build my credit it's only a 300 dollar balance but I can finally work towards a better credit score so Erik and I can hopefully move out next summer of our apartment, we really wanted a townhouse.

I have been working out 5 days a week for an 1 hour 1/2 I really feel a difference because I'm actuall eager to workout, and even if I'm tired prior to going, I end up having so much engery. My body craves it now. I'm making better food choices and more aware of how many calories I'm consuming.

I am also happy to say the whole Tution Reimbursement thing, I have a balance of under 700 dollars left, so even though I have a Pell Grant that I'm receiving I'm able to use my class towards it, I can't believe 6 months ago I was feeling like I could be fired or something. But, everything is good.

The other big news is that Hayden' is developing wonderfully. He loves saying Ball so I know that their will be more words to come we will just keep working with. His congitive skills are improving wonderfully and he's walking and even running now, I can't even believe it my boy turned 20 months yesterday. He's almost 2. We will be starting to potty training in the fall and getting a toddler bed.