When it rains it pours!

Most of us are all excited for gifts and all the treasures that Christmas brings. For me this year it was Ba...hum- bug. The only thing I can say is that at least I wasn't coughing horribly until the end of the holiday weekend. But, the cold couldn't be fought hard enough because this week I've had the cold turn into a terrible cough into laryngitis once again. My voice is so strained that I'm doing everything I can do to fight it and get better. I've taken vitamins, drank tea, got plenty of rest and eat right. And just when I was feeling good, because I was exercising again, I hadn't felt good. This has seriously been the worst year for getting sick. I've been sick more times then I can count. It doesn't help that my job is all about using my voice. It's amazing to me I take the precautions and I still ended up getting sick. The only change is that I would have a sinus or bacterial infection at this point, but because I'm doing every I can I'm able to fight back more.

Not to mention this week I discovered something with work. Not only do I have ill feelings about working for the company. But, I turned in my Tuition Reimbursement like I always do for the end of the semester. I of course had the disappointment bought up again because I had to withdrawal from one course. I was asked to send in all certain information and I did. Only to have the person come back and say that I would not be reimbursed and also that I got money back in error. That I received a grant, and would not be able to get reimbursed. So, now I wait to find out what's going on because they're saying I owe that money back. I have no idea how much, and what's going to happen. The person I've worked with her tone of her email sounded very cold and accusing to me. It's so messed up.

In other news, yesterday I had my interview for the Broker Services Agent position. I was coughing really hard and trying to be as upbeat, friendly and put together for my interview. I think it went really well, and I won't know till next week sometime. I decided to go for a different position in another department because things in PSC aren't going very well. It's a long drawn out story but any case. I feel compelled to stay with the company, and just try to do something else. But, to be honest there more time that passes I so desperately want to get out and start somewhere else. Not that it would be all different. But, there just has to be something better. But, right now I'm stuck and I'm doing what I can for my family.

Lately, I've been forgetful and very out of sorts. I'm not getting the proper care that I should be getting with resting, eating and general stress in my life. I recognize that. It comes down to this whole TR thing, I really wasn't looking that closely and because of my complete non observant self, it could look really bad for me. I still haven't heard from HR and I would call but, I can barely talk as it is.

And last thing, the bills keep coming in, the medical bills from Hayden's birth have come back. His NICU stay was billed to us, Erik thought he paid it and I guess it isn't plus we canceled Qwest and they sent us to collections on a 30 dollar bill. Erik said that he called them and canceled. I swear sometimes he doesn't remember things too.

So, I ask what will happen with our lives? Erik is trying to go to school, work full time and be a father. Meanwhile, I'm trying to go to school, work full time and be a Mom. Are we taking on too much? And how do we get out of it? It seems that Erik and I are screwed. WE rob Peter to pay Paul and get further in debt. I honestly don't know what to feel anymore.

How is it that I get grants from school and that's somehow screwing me big time. I'm at a lost for my next move. I'm so weak and out of it. I have all these constant pressures and I just want it to all go away.
Life is really difficult sometimes, and ever since I was a little girl I had wondered if It was just my life was really difficult, I know that isn't the case, but not only do things keep piling up but that I can't get a break. I try to be positive and upbeat but I almost want to have a whole change meaning a new place/state to live and a new job. I know that won't be happening and plus where would we go? but, between you and me all this added pressure is literally shutting down my body. I hold on to the good things. Like my son for instance, when I look at that little innocent face all I want to do is protect him from everything and take away any pain he may feel. And, now I can truly understand how it is to be a Mom. No matter what I try every single minute to be the best Mom I can be. Being sick, busy or even depressed.

I can only hope that my situations come to a close and everything is right with the world again. Here's to hoping that 2011 brings more hopes and good surprises. I could really use some.

I know I haven't made the best choices in my life, but I'm not a horrible person. I need to feel hope once again.

what the hell?

Ok so last week, a co-worker at my job decided to assume that I was pregnant again and ask is it a boy or girl this time. I said I wasn't pregnant and it really bothered me that I need to make a change and soon. Well over the weekend yesterday, I ran into a person I use to work with at Cub, and she said when are you due again? It was embrassing, I haven't even been by myself when people have assumed. First my old boss was right next me, then my husband Erik. I handled it well, and said actually I'm not pregnant but thanks. I guess I have a major belly on me, I don't get it I'm exactly the same size but people think i'm pregnant. I think my jacket is a little to snug, I haven't been able to drop any weight. I was going to go to the gym during my lunch but ended not going. I really need to start moving and get in shape. It's a real downer when people keep asking me, I must be a huge blimp to people. I have this big fast stomach that I can't shrink. I'm so depressed about it, I must make a change!

A sigh of relief

Our prayers have been answered. We were able to amend our bankruptcy payments. They not only didn't make it more, they decreased the payment. Thank goodness. Erik and I have 2 1/2 years left of this. We can do it. With the news that our payment was going down was such a huge sigh of relief. We are going to have a little money for Christmas after all. I'm feeling this is going to be a great year for us next year. We have so much to be thankful for.
The next great goal we have is get a house next year. I was thinking a townhouse would be great to start out with. I don't know what the future holds but hopefully we can get one, our place is just getting to small even re-arranging and getting rid of things still not enough room. And would you believe we don't have our Christmas tree up still. Hopefully I can get motivated to do it this week.
I'm excited this coming Saturday my Mom and I are going to Black Swan and get some lunch. While Erik watches Hayden. It will be my first outing without him in a long time.
Also I had a really bad cold last week. But, I think I'm fighting it, I'm starting to feel better today, even though my voice a little raspy.

Quick Update

I had a productive weekend, I finally removed the tall shelf in Hayden's room and transferred it to our bedroom. I went through all the books that were on the shelf, and the loose papers that my husband seems to collect. I swear the man never throws anything away or gives away ;o) I felt like I really accosplished something, and Hayden and I were on our own most of the weekend. Hayden was watching me go through things and just try to organize, I like to have a huge pile and I sort and pile and then distribute where it can go. Hayden decided to take all his books off the shelf and go through and dump all his pacifiers and diapers on the floor. His room looked like a tornando hit for about 1/2 the day. Then I went through his clothes again and re-organized the stuff that doesn't fit him and up to the stuff that needs to be worn a couple more times before he's grown out of it once again. I also went through and washed all the clothes that my Sister in Law gave me.
I had over 8 loads of laudry to wash and dry and put away. In between all of that I was going through the house and deep cleaned all the areas that hadn't been cleaned in a while. I still have plently of projects to work on. BUt, one thing at a time right. I have over 6 months of filing to do. I have make Hayden's room messy once again, because of his closet and all of our christmas stuff is packed away. I'm hoping to put our tree up this weekend. But, if my Mom brought the x-mas tree I could put it up tonight. I guess we will see. I have to get decorating the house. NOt that we really should, Hayden's in that stage where he's picking up things and banging them all around, so by the end of his 2nd birthday, I wonder if we will have any figurines left.
In other news I got an A on my Access Exam. I can't believe it looks like I'm going to get a B for the class. I'm hoping to get my PowerPoint project done this Friday that's the only assingment I have left to turn it. But, I have to push myself with it, I'm so burnt out. I was hoping that I could get more accosplished this weekend but with Erik not being around and taking care my bouncy boy of my, i'm quite busy.

Also, I"m trying to build my credit, and said it was time to apply for a credit card, I got declined . Now all I'm thinking about is the concern is next year the year for us where we will finally get a house, or will we have to move?? all these questions come to mind.

Also yesterday I was wearing one of my shirts that tie in the back and one of co-workers thought I was pregnant. I thought to myself ok it's really time to get in shape. I just wonder exactly how I'm going to do it so many worries.

Patiently Awaiting an Opportunity!

So, I've been working in my department for just over 2 years. I am ready to do more and mold into a different position. Even though it would be a lateral move, I expressed interest in being on the paperwork team. I had a discussion with the person that manages it and then the other person that is on the team, it was like an interview to me.
Needless to say I didn't get it, but It didn't get me exposure as to I'm interested in doing more and such.
I go on the website just about everyday for my company and looking for a job to apply for. But, the couple of opportunities that were there I didn't get them in time. I was focus on the other job I applied for was the P.A.A positon. I didn't get that either.
It's just been up and down for me, I know everything happens for a reason. And, obviously there's something more out there for me, but I just don't where it is or what it is. Oh well, I will plugging away.
At least if I could start getting projects sent my way, I know I've expressed interest to my supervisor. I guess we will have to wait and see what happens!

To My Breaking Point!!

I've been unhappy with my job for a long time now, just because I want to get off the phones, I want to start working with people 1 on 1. So, I decided after much debate to finally go for it and apply for a position: Provider Analyst Associate. I turned in my resume just at the cut-off so busy trying to get other things done. By 4pm on Friday afternoon I got a reply back that I wasn't going to be getting an interview. It really hurt me, just because I've always gotten an interview. I decided to email here back and ask why, I haven't gotten a reply yet.

As the weekend progressed, I found myself overwhelmed by the homework that was waiting. I tried to take my quiz for Marco, the material for this chapter is far harder and more difficult to follow. I couldn't do better then my best, so my score when it was all said and done was a 20% which is the lowest I've ever gotten as I started to figure in my head with that score and the fact I didn't know the material I had to drop the course. What does this mean? well, I have to take it over again, and I'm feeling like graduation is so far at the other end of the tunnel that I can't even see it in my sights. Erik didn't get upset that I dropped the class, considering how stressful the last couple of weeks have been.
With that in mind, I will longer be able to take online courses of my stuff after Spring semester. I guess the one's I've already taken once before I could but, this is the most difficult semester I've had since I took Accounting.

With the semester almost to a close, I'm going to focus on the one class I have now, and really rock it, I would like to get an A, but I don't know if I can pull that around since I was riding at a B last time I checked. I told Erik when I start the new semester for the Fall 2011, if things don't go well with us managing school in the Spring, I will not be taking classes like this. Going part time to school isn't going to work while he was considered full time, so he agreed to go back to part time in the Fall.

I have felt we have no space ever since Hayden was born, our place is just getting smaller and smaller, So, I finally made headway with Erik. We got rid of all of things over the weekend. I went through our bathroom, I went through Hayden's room, Erik went through the closet in the living room. He got our home entertainment system set up again. Our next priority is to get my TV sold and get rid of the stand for it. Also in Hayden's room to get rid of the book shelf. And, we have to go through his closet. I mean business when I say there's no reason to have all this stuff. If we don't have the room or a place to store it then get rid of it. We are making progress slowly. I look forward to having things completed by the end of this month.
I'm certainly not a person that wants to be anything like a Hoarder, I'm the complete opposite. I obsess about how the house looks and I can't seem to relax.

I finally got caught up on laundry this weekend. It took two days in 1/2 to get all caught up but I did. I'm so happy that Erik is more open to getting things organized. I just hope I can keep the momentum going!!

Hayden 1 year appointment!

Finally Hayden had his offical preventive visits with a Pediatrician. I love the gal she is so friendly and straight forward. We discussed any concerns I might have and things that he should be doing. Even though he's not waving, clapping or walking. He's doing wonderful he's growing great and their reason for concern right now. He's going to do everything on his own time table. But, he is crawling now with on his hands and knees it's so cute to see. He gets this big grin on his face, that I must capture soon.
She said that we can start taking him off formula, which after are canister is gone he won't be having anymore so that interesting. He's teething up a storm. He has more bottom teeth coming in- (poor guy seems to have more then 1 come in at a time.)

He had all of his shots, and handled them like a pro. I can't believe he's 29 lbs and 3 oz.

We talked about him not really talking but he's babbling, it's almost like he's saying things, I've heard Up, Dada.. and my favorite one Bath! After all he's more baths in his 1 year then any other kid I bet. But, she said to just keep working with him. Just like everything else I will be really working on his speech with him.

His next appointment will be when he's 15 months. It's hard to believe that a year has already come and gone.

Busy Weekend!! (surgery/birthday and photos)

It was a crazy past week, Hayden has his surgery on this past Thursday. I was working when he went in for surgery. Which was very difficult for me. I did get there, a couple of minutes after he woke up. He was not happy that he had all the IVs in him. Once the nurse came out to take them out, he started to calm down. He was on the crib bed for the hospital just moving all around, when he was looking all over, I wasn't worried I knew that he was doing better. Erik and I brought him home, he took a nice long nap, and so did we. We were very tired. We had Friday off too. Erik ended up wanting to go out and get Hayden's gifts for his birthday. So, we went out and did that. We ran a couple of errands. I decided to spend the night at my Mom and Dad's. Mom called in the afternoon to see how Hayden was doing. I decided since his birthday party was at their house. Why not spend the night. ( I love going to my parents house!) We hung out, and Hayden was really active. He started to crawl and really pull himself up on furniture. So, maybe the anal fistula he had was bothering him and holding him back, who knows? But, that night Mom and I made the two cakes for his birthday. So, they had time

Hayden's birthday: It was a great day!Hayden was happy and in a good mood. We started getting the frosting made for the cakes, and decorating it. It was a blast. Erik got there and started making the Chili. His Dad was there (Mark) His brother Devin and his boyfriend Brad. His Mom was there. And of course my parents. It was a nice intimate gathering, The party started a little late. The rest of the gang didn't get there till 5:00 the party was suppose to start at 4pm. But, it worked out alright. The chili was a success. And the cakes were awesome! What was so great, after singing Happy Birthday to Hayden. He right away put his face in the cake, then he started digging into it. We gave him his bath and then we opened presents. Hayden got allot of great stuff. The big shocker gift of the night was 1,000 from his grandpa Heule for his school fund. It blew me away! We had cake after he went to bed. I'm surprised he even fell asleep since he was on a sugar high from all the cake and frosting. Then we chatted all together. Then Erik and I stayed behind for a bit, talking to my parents. We then went home around 11 and got home around 12 .

The next day was Pictures, Hayden's and family photos. We were running behind. But, we got there and waited. Hayden seemed like he was in a good mood. But, he didn't smile for many of the photos. It's like he got infront of the camera and were holding him it was really intense. But, when he had a couple of pictures by himself. He did great! I can't wait to see the photos. We have alot of good ones still. He's growing so fast. I can't believe he's already 1. And, now were discussing on when to try for our next one. The debate isn't too bad. It looks like Erik back on board with having another. He's of course worried about money. But, I think in two years we will be in better shape. Other then that I have all the paperwork approved for FMLA for his past surgery and for the asthma complications. I feel relieved to know that I have the protection if something were to happen. In other news my insurance is going up. I'm going to have a deductible for the first time. I haven't had one. It's partially because of the health reform. I try to not get to passionate about it.

I will be taking another semester of school. I don't know how I will do it. But, I must keep moving forward. I really hope that I can get at least a C in Macroeconomics and a B in Applications. I guess I'll find out very soon. I will have to know if I will drop the class the beginning of December. Next up is Hayden's 1 year appointment and we have a Prediatrician for him for him now. YAY!! I have a 1/2 day! Hopefully I can get some homework done.And, oh he had his allergy test done, He was no allergies to speak of to cat dander especially or milk even!! I'm so happy!! I do feel slowly I'm getting things accomplished. I will have to do more things tonight, this weekend. Theirs always something to do. But, I really have to get moving. I'm just taking to take one thing at a time.

A Long update...

It's been a while since I've wrote anything. I've just been a little busy with things. Ok so the mystery is finally solved. We know know what Hayden has on his bottom. It's called: Anal Fistula. He will need to have surgery. And, it's already scheduled for the 21st. The one problem, it's looking more like I will have to take an occurence. This is a direct quote from my boss. I love her to dealth. But, she is a supervisior after all, she has to have the conflict of caring and not caring. Anyways, the surgeon is only available Thursdays so naturally. I can't control that I can't get any other day. She said that I will try to get you the time off but I don't know if that will happen so you will probobley have to take and occurence. I only get 6 a year. And i'm at 4 right now. I asked her ok so I take one but what happens if I get sick. My job is on the line then. So, I put in for FMLA, we will see how that goes I had to do that with Hayden's asthma as well, to protect myself since the weather is changing.
Next thing is that school is been in session for 7 weeks now. I have a concern with Macroecomincs, It's getting harder and harder to understand. Their's all these graphs and alegbra. That it's making much sense to me. ANd I have another test on Tuesday. I scored a 66% on my last one. Ugh... now I'm at around 70% for the class. I'm hoping to pass this by atleast that. I really don't want to get a D. Or have to drop the course. I learned a little bit more about how it would work if I dropped a course and such. Anyways, that would take more time to explain. The thing is that between Erik going to school and me, it's been quite a challenge to get anything done. I infact had a mini breakdown a couple of days ago. My Mom came over (thank god) we talked about Erik mostly. I was swearing up a storm I was so upset. So, I decided to wear my contacts for work. And I really had a headache in the afternoon and really wanted to take them out thinking that I didn't have them in my purse, and assuming I left them home I popped some ibuofen and waited till I got home. I couldn't wait to put my glasses on when i got home. I started to freak out thinking where did they go and started to worry because I couldn't wear my contacts anymore and that I needed my glasses. It shows how much I rely on my glasses these days anyways after searching all over the house thinking I was loosing my mind, I dumped out my whole purse on the floor and there was the case, and their were my glasses. I completly broke down crying into my Mom's arms. I was so upset.
The other drama that's know been resolved but was a headache before. Ok so Hayden's birthday celebration was planned for October 23rd the day he was born. So, I told my mother in law and sister in law last Wednesday. Only to find out that my sister in law went to Erik and asked for the party to be postponed. I told her that we couldn't do that. And Erik and I had this huge disagreement because he didn't think it was a big deal. Now, suddenly he agrees that his birthday should be on his actual birthday.
Getting back to Hayden's thing, he will finally be seeing a Pedatrics doctor, YAY!!! It was because of the anal Fistuala that he finally agrees it's time to see one that specializes in it. Ok finally he see's that. I'm relieved. I just wish he would value my opioion a little more. Ok, so I may be a new mother. But, I do know some things I think.
Besides that I think I've covered everything right now. Oh, I was shocked to see this last night, Erik and I have paid out 19,000 thousands for our bankruptcy we are approaching 3 1/2 years. I can't wait till were all done with it!

My Labor Day Weekend!

On Friday I ended up coming home and sleeping till about 8 or so. Erik was home so he was hanging out by himself. But, I did wake up and then we watched a movie. It's called Our Family Wedding, It was cute. We ended up going to bed around 11:30
The next morning, Erik and I got up and went to the Renaissance Festival. WE got there around 11:30, Hayden seemed to enjoy himself. The biggest surprise was that Erik and I went into one of the shops and I love this ring I spotted and, well he got it for me. It's being special made, I got to pick out my stone and everything. I can't wait to have it, It's getting shipped and will be here in about 2 weeks. Erik and I had some good food and walked around. It was alot of fun! And we hadn't been there since about 3 years ago we think. I had my favorite chocolate covered strawberries and chocolate covered turtle on a stick. Oh my goodness I love those!!! Long story short I didn't bring or put on sunblock on Hayden or I, And we didn't get burnt at all. However, when I'm out in the sun, it' zaps all the energy out of me. So, I was very sleepy when we got home. I ended up taking a nap, got up shortly later and we watched some TV and went to bed.
On Sunday we got up, Erik went to go workout and I got all the stuff rounded up to go to my parents house. WE arrived around 1pm and chatted for a bit, Then we got into my favorite activity these days. Rockband!! WE played for a good 3 hours, and Erik played the guitar a little bit and between Erik, my dad and I we traded off from guitar, bass or singing. My Mom stayed on the drums, she's really good at it. We then had dinner: Burgers, Brats etc. Then we went back to playing more Rockband, we were over until 12:30.
Yesterday, was low key day, I did go workout! Did some cleaning and I went to the grocery store and did some shopping. We did some homework and took a little nap all of us. It was really nice.
Today, I have to run a couple of errands since most places weren't open yesterday. I will feel better getting all these items that are very much needed at home.
In other news, I am just about at 12 days of working out, once I get to that I have a routine then and I will feel guilty skipping a day. I'm trying to keep the energy going I am really not loosing any pounds right now, but my pants fit better and I feel better.
Ok, so one last thing. Not this past Saturday but the one before that Erik and I had a little scare. As you know he had testicular cancer and had one testie removed back in 2008. We were worried because he had a type of mass on it and he went to get blood taken, Ct scan and Dr's visit. he doesn't have cancer again!!! And, what they did find from the ultrasound is he does have a cyst. But, as far as what their going to do I'm not sure right now. I'm just so happy he doesn't have cancer again. Erik is even talking about in about 2-3 years we will try for our 2ND one!!

My Anniversary with Hubby!!

I can't believe it's been 4 years. It was a hot, sunny and beautiful day on a Saturday, August 26th 2006. We were so happy and excited to take the next step and start a life together.
WE decided this year, it only made sense to take the day off together. We slept in late, Hayden didn't wake up until 8am which is great for him. He's usually up right at 7am on the dot. We woke up leisurely and got Hayden ready for daycare. Erik ended up taking care business by going to his doctors appointment. He came back and we took Hayden to daycare, then we headed back home and got ready to plan our day. We waited for the Comcast guy to come out and hook up our digital phone. We decided to go with a digital package. Which it actually saves us alot of money and we get free long distance, caller ID, and we have for our cable: HBO and Starz. It's pretty awesome.
We had to stop at Normandale and get my whole mess with my book solved. I feel stupid but we waited in line for 30 minutes to do an exchange on a used book to get a new one for my Computer Appls because I thought it should come with a disc. My last class had one. Well, it wasn't a complete waste of time because we headed off to see the manager for the store. We found out that my book could be shipped to me overnight. Because it's not in until September 1st. I couldn't get anytime off from work to get it so I had to work out something to get my book. Solved!
Then Erik and I headed out for lunch we eat at Chilli's. One of my favorite places. Erik had Chicken Crisper's and I had Baby Back Ribs. We chatted and goofed around it was really nice. We then headed off to buy our Playstation 3. We tried to get it at Cost-co they're all sold out, so we went to Best Buy. WE got 2 games as well. I ended up getting the Harry Potter Lego game. I can't wait to play it with Erik. We played a little bit after we got it home but, we wanted to get a nap in. We slept, then Erik picked Hayden up. Poor guy was so tired, he ended being a sleep pretty much from the minute I saw him. So, I gave him his bottle, read him a story, got him all changed for bed and kissed him goodnight.
Erik and I ended up having Jimmy Johns for dinner and sitting back watching Netflix. We watched it on our instant plays from our Playstation 3. It was so awesome. We loved it we watched a movie with Bruce Willis, Surrogates. It was pretty good! Creepy but good. Then we started to watch and old movie with Woody Allen: Husbands and Wives. Pretty good movie too. We light up our unity candle every year. This candle is split and we put it together it started to form together the two pieces its' really cool. We had a wonderful Anniversary. I'm so glad we took the time off.

Hayden's Respiratory Specialists App. and my hectic schedule!

Yesterday, I got off work and headed to the office with Hayden in toe. Poor guy he was so sleepy when we arrived. I let him rest for a little while we waited in the lobby. The appointment wasn't till 4 and I arrived about 20 minutes early.

We did get to the back of the room on time though. When I took him out of the stroller, his pants were all wet. And, for me to discover he had pooped. I not only had to juggle him on the lift while I tried to quickly get some napkins and wet them. I ran out of wipes and I didn't have a change of clothes for him so he hung out in his diaper. He was very active while I was trying to explain to the doctor on how things had been going. He said that he sounded congested. And that he needed to be back on the nebulizer and for now 3 times a day or more. Which is just more for us parents to remember. And, start a whole another routine again. I told him that Hayden is spitting up more, and that he increased his dosage for the acid reflex. He said he's a big guy and that he doesn't need to eat much. Which I've been trying to tell the daycare because he's been really content with a little bit of food. He weighs 29 pounds and he's about 30 inches. He told me that we need to get allergy testing done before his next visit, which is at the end of November.
I really wish that I had more time to get all these visits done, between my visits to obgyn, primary doctor, dentist, vision and now the specialist I've had to see ENT. I also have Hayden's visits to fit in. And, it will increase as he gets older. I really need a job that I can rely on to take the time off that's needed.) I say this because they won't give/approve the time off if we don't have the PTO. And, even if we have the PTO they won't approve for anything. And, I can't mention specific names, but all I can say is what she's doing is wrong and she should be thrown out on her ass.) I can't stand her.

The daycare is so frustrating sometimes, and Erik even wanted to pull him out of the center and go somewhere else. But, I don't think that's the solution to this per say. He's a baby, and babies in general have more needs. I just really hope that everything works out. I felt like a idiot in the doctors office though. Hayden is breathing heavy and I'm thinking he really is being taken care of. He just started to get heavy wheezing. And, I think he has a cold right now. Which I'm just praying that I don't get.

Ok, so enough about that. I had day 5 of my workouts. I'm getting up around 6 am and working out for 30 minutes in the morning. I go on Monday, Weds and Fridays. I have almost completed 2 weeks of this routine. I'm exhausted, mostly because my schedule is more hectic now since school started Monday. Not only that but my classes are more demanding. And, like Erik was saying we just have to get into the groove and that can take at least a week to get motivated. But, Erik and I have homework that's already due this week, so their making it even more tough the first week. It's not ok get into the swing of things, It's lets go and hang on it's going to be a stressful ride.

Also my Macroeconomics class, I had an issue with my book, so did everyone online but, I'm talking about me and how this issue has effected me. I tried to order my book along with my other one a couple of weeks ago. They said it wasn't available. Only to find out on Monday, August 23rd that their was a problem at the Normandale bookstore, and that we had to go down to the school, get the code, for e-text and come back to get the book. Ok, I spent Monday evening standing in line to get a code. Then they tell me the book will be in on Friday! Wonderful, The hours that I'm working there only open till. So, I need this book so I have to get up and head down to the school again! Now, I noticed which was dumb of me I got a used Applications book and theirs no disc so now I have to deal with that also. Or maybe I will I have to decide, But, school is such a headache. I don't know I expect it to be any different. Let's just hope the semester goes well and I have good professors. It's always harder if you have bitches or asses to deal with when trying to further your education.

Hoping for Postive Changes

So, while I was over on the weekend at my parents we had a long discussion. I told them about my start of depression and that it's only going to get worse when I go back to school. My Dad is so smart and he really hears me out. He suggested to me how are you going to work out in the fall? He suggested I get up early and workout before work. It's something that I really have to change. My weight is bringing me down, and it will be vital to having engery overall. So, my goal has started this week. I work out Mon, Weds and Fridays in the morning before work. And while the weather is still nice, My Mom and I will be walking then on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Now, it's only been 3 days and so far I kept at it. I will try my best to have it stick this time. I want to be in shape and lose this extra weight. I can't believe I thought I was fat before. I really want to have a postive attitude and really commit to this regardless of all the other responsibilites I have.
Also, I am tired of doing most of the house work by myself. I want to share the housework 50/50 with Erik. So I told him on Saturday evening my purposed idea. I even made a spreadsheet of the duties, now we just have to follow it and hopefully things will go smoother. Erik seemed on board with the idea.
Erik also has shown he's trying to be more respectful, by putting his dirty clothes in the laundry basket rather than all over the floor. I guess only time will tell. Erik finally cleaned his shelf. But, I really want for him to ask his Dad if we can store stuff at his place. We just don't have alot of room for everything. I want Hayden to have more room to play so I suggested to Erik we need to store the coffee table. It won't be for that long, he's still on the fence about it.
I also got my haircut a couple of days ago, and I am really wanting to dye it a lighter golden blonde color. It's so dull and it needs to be brighten up a bit. I guess we shall see on that. I also am planning a trip with Erik, The suggestions we've been playing with are Barbados, Bahamas, Jamaica or Italy. It's still cheaper to go to one of these places then Hawaii. So we've decided to just take a trip ourselves. Plus, planning this trip is so much fun!
In the meantime I really have to think about what I want to do about my future, I've been trying to figure out what my next move will be. Am I really going to be happy with a management degree. Or Marketing?? Or what exactly do I want to do? I guess. I will just focus on doing well this semester and hopefully it all comes to me soon. In the mean time. I feel with some of these changes I can grin and bare my job. I dont' hate it all the time. I guess if things start getting better at home then things will get better at work.

Hayden's Dermatologist Appointment!

Finally, I was able to get Hayden in. I went to Dermatology PA in Edina, off France Ave. I arrived 20 minutes early. Since Hayden was a new patient I knew I would have paperwork etc. So, the front desk gal wanted our my insurance card, wanted me to feel some paperwork out. When it was all done, I said that Hayden had reached his out of pocket so I would not have a co-pay for him. The lady gave me some stupid reason well, if their a co-pay on the card we have to collect it. I already had quite a day and I said" Nope, I'm not paying a co-pay you can call my insurance company, but I'm not waiting for my co-pay back for 6 weeks. It's only $15 but to me it was the principal of it. I was already annoyed by the day. And, I came in with my head on straight because it was concerning my son and a blister he's had for 6 months. And to get him treated for his skin problems. Which looked like eczema to me. OK, so the doctor took a look at his blister and got a scab of it. WE will have the results on Friday! He said that he needs to see those results and if he needs to do a biopsy then after that it may have to be surgically removed. It just depends on what these results are. HE did diagnose him with eczema just like me. It's a mild case. He prescribed two creams one for the blister and one for all over in the spots his skin is breaking out. I'm so happy that he finally has some other creams. He should be using this for 4 weeks, and if not any better then he would want to be seen again. And, I'm making the appointment just in case it doesn't clear up. I want to be prepared. I really hope his blister can go away soon. I know the doctor was a little perplexed on why it hasn't gotten better after 6 months. Hopefully I will have answers soon!!

Wanting to make a Change!

Ok, so as most know. I'm so sick of my job I could scream. I don't mind the work, it's just that there's all these unnessary stresses of the job. I also don't want to be tied to my phones all day. I wish I had more freedom to get up and move around. And, why shouldn't I feel that way. After all I've been working at Medica almost 4 years. And prior to that I worked at Best Buy for 3 years. So, I've been thinking about taking coding classes online and getting a certificate so I can work in coding with Medica, and if that doesn't work move on to another company.
The only problem is with the coding is it's about a year, and the cost is 2,748.00, No of that is covered with Medica. Because it's not a degree it's a certificate. Plus, I would have to take a whole year off from college for my degree. I can't do both. It would be like full time school with 2 different degrees/certificate I'm going for plus full time work and time with Hayden, Erik and time for myself. Oh and some how manage to juggle friends and family as well. I also will be picking up most of the slack with chorus/house duties and cooking since Erik will be at school 4 days a week.
In one way I"m excited to get back to school. It means another step closer to my degree, and a lottery of money in a way. But, at the sametime it means less time for other things that I enjoy. I wonder what my next move will be? And will I be able to handle this very demanding semester?
Only time will tell. My Anniversary with work is on Dec 11th. And, I know I'm wanting to say to my boss, I'm getting bored and unhappy with my job. But, I know that there's nothing she can really do for me about it.

ENT doctor appointment!~

Last week on Tuesday, I was very tired of getting ear infections and continuous sore throats so I decided it was time to go to a specialist. I got off work at 3:30 and just needed to get into Eden Prairie. I waited for about 5 minutes and got into fill out paperwork etc. Got my hearing test done first. Those test are long and tedisis. Well, at least I know my hearing is good. My numbers were right were they should be. So the doctor asked me some questions. I told him what I was experiencing. And, he examined me, he looked at my ears, They were clear and looked good he stated. Then he checked out my throat, He decided to do a test, that would be a little tube that went through my nose and came through to back of my throat. He did numb my throat and my nose, which helped alot. The test was weird he said he could see some irration and maybe a chronic sore throat happening. He asked me if I ate alot of chocolate, fatty foods or peppermint. I said no, everything in moderation. He said a couple of things could be going on from his assessment of me. He said it was too soon to diagnosis and that I would need to just hear him out. Alright, so he said that I could experience some pressure in my ears that would be TMJ maybe. He wondered if I've been clinching my jaw at night or alot through the day. Also the problems with my throat, could be acid reflex, and that I could take some Priolsec and see if that my throat feels better. And, that it could be that my weight is an issue. So, I left the appointment going ok, humm. But, I took the Priolsec that night, and immediately I started to feel sick I didn't want to eat my huge plate of taco pile on.
I ended up not wanting to stay either. I told Erik I didn't feel well and went to bed. While in bed, I woke up looked at the clock it was about 10:30. I was starting to feel really hot and really sick. A feeling of extreme warmth and the feeling I was going to throw up. My instinct was right I threw up in my mouth and instead of getting the bedroom floor full of it I held in my mouth and went into the bathroom. I ended up throwing up 5 times more. It was horrible! My stomach was so tied in knots. I went out the living room and told Erik what was up and had a popsicle and went to bed again.
The next morning, I felt sick again. Only this time I was having other issues. My stomach felt awful. I tried to eat a plain english muffin with some butter on it. I couldn't even have a bite. Even though I hadn't ate anything since noon the prior day. So, I ended up being very tired all the through the day, and slept most of it. Got up finally around noon to have some soup. Which I was full and went back to sleep. The next day the same sorta of routine. By 2 or 3 in the afternoon I was feeling like my old self again.
I still don't know what happened but what I think it was is I ended up getting the flu on top of everything else.
It just hasn't been my year!

Adjustments & Accomadations

Starting the evening of Tuesday night, I packed my bags and took Hayden and we headed to my parents house. Erik was going on his camping trip for the next 5 days and I didn't want to stay at my house all alone plus it would be a little difficult to take care Hayden. I needed to make sure to eat right etc. So, Tuesday night Mom and I didn't arrive at the house till 7:30, it was time for Hayden to play, eat and get ready for bed. That night we didn't eat till 9. The next morning I was up at 6 am and out the door by 6:40, The week wasn't the best as far as work is concerned. Maybe it's because I was stuck having to work and didn't get to go on the camping trip, or the fact that I hadn't had a vacation. Or that I wasn't feeling well. Whatever the case, the week did seem to drag. Once Friday rolled around, I was exhausted. We had Buffalo Wild Wings and then talked a little bit.
On Saturday morning, I got to sleep in, My Mom got up with Hayden. We did some house work and then Mom and I had to make a couple of stops out, We got Hayden a sippy cup. he's starting to transition to cup from bottle. YAY!! Then, we had Jimmy Johns for lunch, After I told Dad the truth, that Erik and I filed for bankruptcy he was shocked at first, then he had a bunch of questions. We then went out on the patio. Hayden laided in a hammock for the first time. We went inside later because it looked like it was going to rain, we played Rock Band together, and Hayden even helped with the drums with my Mom. He was so tired we decided to keep playing, he went to sleep. WE played for two hours or so, had dinner, Steaks!! Yummmm! Then we played after dinner. We had a blast, then we all went to bed.
On Sunday, I slept till 10, my parents helped out again so I could get some sleep it's a good thing too, because my throat has been sore again and my ears have a lot of pressure, it seems a double ear infection is approaching, Thank goodness tomorrow is my doctor's appointment with the specialist. Hopefully I will get some answers, I can't keep functioning this way.
I started to gather my things and went home around 1 yesterday. I got all unpacked and put stuff away. I had been feeling weird all day so I ended up not doing much else. I played with Hayden a little bit, but by that point I was missing Erik, He didn't arrive home till about 9. We watched a program and I went to bed at 10. I was very tired!! I think I'm battling an infection that's trying to enter my body. SIGH!
I can't believe it today is the 26th, of July, that means next month it will be 4 years Erik and I have been married.
And, school starts less than a month. Happy we have money but sad that the stress will intensify once school starts again.

Couldn't put the book down!

A new record happened for me yesterday. I read over 250 pages in just one day, well not even a day more like 10 hours. I read Kendra Wilkerson autobiography: Sliding into Home. Great book!! Thanks to my friend Jennifer she borrowed it to me. I was so intrigued by her story, that I found the whole book enjoyable to read. She talked about her past with experimenting with drugs, sex and stripping. It made me want to learn more about her. I do feel I learned alot about her already. I wasn't completely interested prior to the book, infact I felt she was spoiled and into herself. I learned that wasn't the case. And, a new found respect for her and what she went through in her past. I was watching a couple of episodes briefly of The Girl Next Door, but stopped watching because I was pregnant at the time I felt really insecure about my body plus I found myself wanting to watch that instead of working on homework.
But, now not only after reading the book do I want to pick up where I left off with the reality show but I wanted to watch her show Kendra.
I am now thinking that I need to get back to reading autobiography's. I enjoy them so much. I wish Britney Spears would write one, but I guess I'll have to wait maybe a couple of more years for that.

Well, now the weekend approaches and I can't wait. It's been a long frustrating week.

In other news I will be telling my Dad this weekend that I filed bankruptcy. I really hope he understands and that it's not a big mistake to Dad all about it. Wish me Luck!!

Found lost items!~

The weekend was great!
Friday~ I rested most of the night because I was really tired from the week being sick and still going to work. I spent time with Hayden we played and laughed together. He's offically able to sit up all on his own. I loved seeing him independently sitting since Erik and I were a little worried not to mention Hayden refused to sit just a week ago before that. His dinner time didn't go as smoothly he wanted to play more with his food than eat it. After he did go to bed, and I ended up catching up on my soaps and surfing on Facebook. I was going to play my game but by the time I planned on that I was so tired and ready for bed.
Saturday~ Erik and went to our favorite mexican restraurant at El Loro, we had to get home quickly and get the house clean to get ready for Kathy and her boyfriend to come over. They came over around 4:30 and we had a nice visit, then we had dinner after played a card game. Erik and I watched our Nextflix movie. We watched Precious. It was such a great but sad movie. It's a movie you watch once and that's it. I could never sit down and watch it again. But, I guess you have to see it to know what I mean. Then Erik and I watched a much lighter movie before bed.
Sunday~ We woke up suddenly. It was Erik's turn to give Hayden a bottle in the morning, so I was sleeping. And Erik said" I need you to help me, Hayden needs a bath right now" So, at some point in the middle of Hayden's crying in the crib he pooped and not only that but his diaper came undone, so their was poop everywhere on his bedding, on his legs, etc. Erik got him in the bath tub right away and I stripped his bedding completly down and got it washed. I was so happy how we worked well as a team. I found while I was getting his bedding taken off that he had thrown every pacifer behide the crib on the floor. So we found all his good pacifiers, and their was about 5 of them. Such a relief to find them!! After his bath we were awake so we had breakfast and then I went out to Cub and went grocery shopping for the week. When I returned I had to take a nap because my ear ache was coming back. Later we had dinner, and Erik surprised me with that he found my ipod Nano that had been missing for almost 9 months. YAY!!! I was so happy! I got almost all laundry done, but only for it to fill once again. But, it was a great weekend! Erik and I even figured out that you will more than likely keep cable. After all it's our only enteraintment which made me really happy!!

Hard Times Ahead!

I know that this may not seem like a big deal but, our cable is going away. Erik thinks maybe in a year we can get back but right now we have to save all the money we can. Hayden's diapers, formula and daycare is really adding up. Plus, with our bankruptcy we have no way out. We make a pretty good salary combined and we can't afford anything. It's depressing, oh and Erik was doing research because he remember after making payments for almost 2.5 years our payment would go up automatically it will be nearly 1,000 a month!!! This payment goes up in January. Because, why you ask my car payments go away, so they will increase the payment. Doesn't mean we get out of it before 5 years, just means were really broke. Also, they don't care about us furthering education. As, I feared it comes down to paying them the money. WE were told if we wanted a family we could recaluate our financies. But the resistance we got from them on it now, Is that isn't our problem we decided to have a baby. Which in turn has made me overly upset and frustrated with the situation. I can't even begin to tell you the disappointment and fear I have. Erik and I both need to have priorities straight. I felt I was already doing that but I wasn't putting my foot down with Erik on things. So there for I failed. I let him get whatever new toy. Am I to late to turn it around? Erik and I bought a really nice Blue Ray DVD player with theather system. But, were returning it now. WE need to have that money to survive. And, I just think this is crazy, Erik thinks we can go to Hawaii next year, and he refuses to see what's right in front of us. I'm mad at him for getting us into this situation. It's embarrassing I can't even go grab a bite with my friends. Erik did cancel his stuff for Friday, because the reality is that I can't eat anywhere, and I tried to get together with Rachel. But, that's not going to happen. The thing is not only did I get so stressed and upset last night on the verge of tears that I am officially sick again, it started with a sore throat and has not started crap in my lungs, coughing, runny nose and so congestioned!
All I can do is move forward, I have to be more strict on Erik because he does it to me why am I not saying no to him? Partly because he does the budget/bills I told him that I wanted to see everything going on, I want to do it together every Saturday, and I don't want us spending money that we really don't have. I told him I'm tired of living this way. HE's so irresponsible with money, and I have to put a stop to it.

Father's Day Weekend!

On Friday I went over to my parents house, we had steak, corn, patoto salad and beans. All my favorites. We really chatted alot, I always like chatting with my parents for hours. Hayden was asleep and My parents showed me their new computers and we hung out for a little bit.
Saturday morning was the best, Hayden, my Mom and I went shopping!! The goal was to get me some new clothes. Let me tell you their were deals at Kohls. It was awesome! And my Mom was the sweetest person ever. She said that she wanted me to get some clothes and that I couldn't wait till September. I need stuff for the camping trip but also I needed more clothes in geneal. I got several shirts. And I got 2 capris, one pair of jean shorts and one pair of khackis. I was so happy, then Mom made me even more happy. She took me in to get my wedding ring resized. I was not even a size 4 before I got pregnant. Now, I'm at size 6. I can't wait to have it back and on my finger, it will be in on Saturday. We also went to Bed Bath and Beyond and I got a couple of things there. I was finally able to get my photo wallet sleeve so that I can show off my cute baby boy even more, instead of cell phone.
We got home at 4 and started making homemade Laszanga, and then we were going to play croquet but we ended up playing with Hayden. WhenErik arrived, Mom and I surprised the guys with our pictures of Hayden that were taken last weekend. And the best part is that I'm not only going to have new pictures of him, but I will have a chance to show off my boy some more. WE had a fablous dinner, then later we ended up watching the second Harry Potter it was almost midnight and Erik and I headed out.
On Sunday morning it was time to clean and get caught up on laundry. We had so much laundry to do. While I was in there I found saw water all over the shower and on the floor around the toilet along with water soaked onto the carpet. We have a leak that's gotten worse with our toilet and it's going to need to be fixed! I don't know if I mentioned but Erik and I are renewing another lease with the apartment building so were getting a new fridge and stove. It will be black, new and better. I can't wait!! So, when they do that they'll fix that too.
Later in the afternoon we had lunch and then all took a nap. Erik's Dad was coming over at 4. So, did Fathers Day with Erik, gave him what Hayden made at the daycare and I got Erik a really nice coffee mug. Erik's Dad came over on time, we chatted for a bit and headed out to the pool for Hayden first swim in a pool. WE had the float that was really pink, it was really funny. But, his Dad really enjoyed it and bonding with Hayden. We got him use to the water a bit, and then we got back Erik and him made dinner while I took care Hayden. We then ate and watched a movie: Up in the Air, it was a really good movie!! It was about 11:00 and Erik and I were beat we started watching another movie: IRobot and then headed off to bed! It was a great weekend! It's sad it had to end but I know that I need to enjoy the week.

Disappointment!

Last night I was informed by Erik that according to the budget I wasn't going to be able to buy any clothes or anything at this time. The deal was that when we got paid, we were going to have additional $1,500 but when it's all said and done, I would be able to go get $150.00 in clothes and $75 was my birthday money. It was bought to my attention we need every last penny for expenses, and there no room to buy anything luxury related. However, I came to that conclusion with Erik advising me of it but, I'm tired of him finding a way to buy what he wants. When it comes down to it, I'm suppose to accept when I want something, it's just not in the budget.
Erik was discussing with me how it was going to be a hard summer and very tight and how Hayden is costing a lot and there's no way to afford everything. Well my frustrastion sets in because he not only doesn't budget well, but he insisted that he needs to continue to work the budget. The bankruptcy screwed us over big time. WE received a good chunk of money from Federal but we won't see it, We have to pay them over 1/2 of the amount. Not to mention we have so many medical bills. Erik and I have given up on how we can figure out to pay them. We just don't have any money to pay for even $10 a month. And, the letters are getting nastier and nastier.
So, all of these thoughts are going through my head, then we really need to be looking at what were spending, and since Erik chooses not to see what obviously right infront of us. That we need reconsider on some purchases and such. Such as, next month is the camping trip with Erik's Dad, we both were going to take an occurence for it, and had it planned my parents would watch him on the weekend. But, that the expense was a little high and maybe it would be more cost effective if Erik just goes. He said that we made a promise and we will just borrow the money from his Dad, I really don't want to that considering we won't be able to pay him for a while. Then later on I tell him that as hard as it is to face it. Hawaii will be very expensive, and that we may want to rethink going. Especially since he saids we will have a house next year. You know how long I've heard that. What makes him think are situation will be all better by next year? I don't see how it can. Were digging ourselves deeper and deeper by going on a grand vacation. He then said well" No, we made a commintment to my Mom" here's the thing the day isn't final. She is the one paying for her room, and Beth, Damion and Greg ( sister in law, nephew and her BF are going) so there's no investment that will be lost just because were not going. And you would think that he would be relieved that I'm not very upset that were not going. Because, I 've never been there, But, Erik has been there 3 times. (he likes to claify that he hasn't been there as an adult) I don't why excepted a postive reaction. No, he acts just the opposite. He starts saying" No, were going and you wanted a baby" Ok, what the hell does that have to do with our budget. Seriously, he brought that up several times. Like, we shouldn't of had a baby, or you wanted it. I'm so tired of it, it's making me resentful of him and then I try to handle it by talking to him and he starts saying: I don't want to talk about it right now, My question is why does it matter when we talk about something, I shouldn't have to tip toe around a subject just because he doesn't want to face it.
I end up going to bed last night before 11 because he was in one of his moods and I wasn't willing to argue about something that I knew we wouldn't see eye to eye on.
I woke up this morning, he just wanted to hug me. And we did say I love you. He tells me maybe we should go to cousnselor again, or maybe he should.
Then I get into work and he said that he knows he not a perfect man and he's trying to be. And he's really sorry he's been hard to deal with. All I could say is you're welcome. But, what I have thinking about at work is not only to have serious concerns about Erik but, I have serious concerns for our future.
He needs to grow up and realize that his needs aren't in front of everything else just because he wants them to be.
There's so many things that our forming under the surface, that he needs to face and we need to pick up the pieces and move on. I'm also tired of seeing him get the things he wants and I'm actually having a need and I'm being turned down, and his attitude, his disregard for my feelings is enough for me to explode. I really feel sometimes my depression starts because of his actions. I am not having a good day at all. I am trying to forget about things, but I go back to this is something I can control. The thing is that a divorce would not solve it infact it would bring into such a deep depression that I'm not sure what I would do. I love Erik so much, and I pray to god that he realizes were I'm coming from. I'm trying to be patient. I just don't know how much more I can take.

****UPDATE*** Erik and I talked last night, He's alarmed by the way he speaks to me and realizes that he needs to see someone and talk it over. I'm really hoping his attitude will start to improve. We still agree to disagree on a couple of the issues. But atleast were making progress. I still don't think we should go to Hawaii. But, I'm hoping he sees it as well. As far as camping that looks like that's still a go. And, i'm getting a couple of things to tie me over for clothes, however I have an IOU coming to me in August-September. I can't wait I'm doing some major shopping at that point. And Hayden included!!**********

~Mirena~Frustrastion!

I had my doctors appointment to place my Mirena in, I really felt uneasy about not seeing Dr Cho. I had to see Dr. Song. Which in all of 10 years I still hadn't met her, I had seen everyone else, and felt pretty comfortable. But, before I could even see her I went through a huge hassle. First off, I got there right on time at 3pm, I waited about 10 minutes in the lobby, then they brought me back. I waited some more because there was no rooms available. When I got into the room after waiting another 15 minutes out in the lab area. Then the nurse wanted to ask me questions. She was worried that I might be pregnant, that there was possible small chance that I was. Because my Depo shot was good till the 20th of May. And I had sex on May 31st. So, she had to do a urine test, it did come out negative but it didn't stop the dr. from hesitating to do the procedure that I had already waited a month to do. (that's a whole another story that we don't have time for) So, she finally said will go ahead and do the procedure, after going back and forth for another 10 minutes. She doesn't really tell me how it's going to feel, or what she's doing. All of sudden I feel this major pressure down there, and it felt worse than a pap. She had a clamp and then she said finally oh yes, I'm measuring your cervix. I then felt to extreme pressure, and all of sudden I had cramping. I couldn't breathe. It was awful. She didn't tell me I"m almost done or anything. I felt she was so focused on making sure it was right that she forgot to talk me though the procedure. Oh, and as she sticking the Mirena and I was in pain, not screaming but saying ah, that hurts, She said "oh do you not want to go on with the procedure" I'm like no please just finish. I started to get really hot and light headed. Which to make matters worse she said right after the procedure was done that she didn't feel it was in all the way, and that I should schedule and ultrasound in a couple of days. And if I feel discomfort more than usual that I need to come in right away. The next 10 minutes were awful, as this thing isn't in all the way I lay back cramping and in major pain, She said let me see my other patient that is waiting and I will come back. I have my legs wide open and I'm on the bed or whatever and she doesn't get the door shut all the way. I couldn't believe it. The nurse comes in and really helps me through everything. I was so relived to have her there with me. She gave me a cold pack for my head, some juice and asked me about what part was uncomfortable I said the clamp and her inserting it in. She said that the next one she would make sure was more comfortable. And also did I mention they had to order this for me. And there may not be anymore. Luckily when she came back they found a spare. The nurse suggested that I have a spinal sort of novocaine for me so I don't feel the procedure as much. I did feel a poke and cramping when she was applying the novocaine, but I was squeezing the nurse's hand and this time I didn't feel as much once I was numb. But, she pokes her head ( the doctor) and said" We found another so we won't charge you for 2" I'm thinking to myself yeah you better not charge me, it's not my fault.
I had to work my way up to sitting up because I was feeling dizzy. It was not the best experience. I'm relieved that it can stay in for years. If you had to this procedure all the time, it would be too hard.
Today I'm experiencing some cramping and bleeding. It's going to be painful for the next couple of days. But, I'm proud of myself, I did still go for a walk around the lake even though I was cramping really bad.
Oh to make matters worse Erik was angry with me last night because I wasn't feeling well, and when I was in the office I didn't really talk about pain managment. And why did I get this done, and that I should of stayed on the Depo or went on birth control pills. But, I really think this is the best decision. He was just really crabby in general which has something to do with that he wasn't worked out in days!!

My Birthday/Memorial Day weekend!

On Friday I was alone with Hayden, I did some cleaning but mostly was tired. I bought myself some Arbys and then took Hayden he was teething most of the night. I went to bed after a couple of hours of watching some soaps.

On Saturday morning Erik and I got up to take Hayden to the zoo for the first time, the big debate was to go to the Como Zoo or Minnesota Zoo, we went to the MN Zoo, Holy has the cost gone up in the last couple of years. It was 37.00 with parking. Suddenly going to the zoo isn't such a cheap family outing. Anyways, Hayden mostly slept the only time he was up is looking at people and he could see the big fish tank. He really enjoyed that. And so did I, I had forgotten how peaceful it is to just sit there and watch. We were at the zoo most of the afternoon, we didn't get moving till around 1pm. We were there till almost 5 and then we went to our favorite Mexican restaurant we had El Loro, and while eating our dinner really fast. Hayden was teething once again. Poor little guy. Erik, Hayden and I were so exhausted from the day that we all took a 3 hour nap. Then we got up. Erik and I watched It's Complicated. Pretty good movie by the way. WE also decided to watch Star Wars the 3rd one.

On Sunday I slept in while Erik watched Hayden. He got up and went out to eat for breakfast at the Pancake House. Great Place! We got home close to 1pm, And Erik and I had to get ready to go to my parents house for my birthday, Erik's and my Dad's birthday celebration (all of our birthday's are in May) We talked, then had a fabulous dinner. We had Steak, corn, beans, potato salad. It was awesome. I was so stuffed. WE had Boston cream pie for desert. We then decided to watch a movie we ended up watching the first Harry Potter, because my parents have them on blue ray but had never seen them before. We got done with the movie close to midnight and went home.

On Monday. MY birthday!!! Erik let me sleep in again. I got up and we watched America: The Story of Us on History channel. I've never been interested in History. But, all of sudden I am now. He went out and got me a pizza at Old Chicago. Then we took a little nap. I got back up around 2pm. I watched my soap. And, relaxed. Erik went to get groceries for my special dinner. And he got Amelia and Sherlock Holmes for us to watch. And he got me a really nice card. And of course Hayden was teething again. He was so exhausted he went to bed at 8:30.

Big Waste of Time!

I was still sick on Friday last week. I had the coughing again, and it felt like the same irritation that I thought I was over with my first round of antibiotics. Turns out in the morning, Thank god I had the day off. I had the day off because it was Erik's b-day. Unfortunately, I had to go to the Dr's. office again. The only problem is that Dr. Hewitt wasn't in so, I had to see the same Dr that told me that my cough was just allergies. HAHA, now I can laugh. But, before I couldn't all I wanted to do is slap her that day. N*E*ways~ My story continues. Erik was a sweetie, he came with me to my appointment. My appointment was at 9:45, WE arrived on time, we checked in and they had me feel all new paperwork asked for my ID and my insurance card, because they went over electronically and needed for me to fill all new paperwork about privacy etc. Erik and I sat down, he had a patient who checked in at least 15 minutes after us and he was seen before us. I find out after waiting for nearly 30 minutes that they couldn't find what insurance I had even if my card, because of going electronic. In basic understanding she didn't read the card at all. So, that whole process took another 10 minutes, after the gal finally came up to me to ask what insurance I had. They then said OK we have that straightened out it shouldn't be much longer and we can get you seen.
Well, Erik was irritated at this point. His birthday was looking like being stuck in a doctor office all day. And, so it goes they finally bring me back. Mind you I've been to the doctors several times this year, and I even was with them last week. The nurse didn't bother to check, she wanted my weight and height and I'm hacking uncontrollably. She then gets my temp, she brings us in the room. She starts fiddling with the computer. Looking down at the keyboard, which to me is never a good sign. She starts getting my blood pressure, then she asked me ( now, let me get something clear, I'm coughing really hard and not feeling good at all) She said what are you hear for today? I said I'm coughing and I was here last week and still hasn't gotten better. She said " ahh hu, and what are you looking for in this visit?" Are you kidding me, I looking for relief you dumb idiot. Anybody could tell looking at me that I didn't feel good, not to mention I hardly had a voice. That's also why Erik went with me he wanted to make sure to advocate for me my needs. She then proceeds to go through my history from 2007 when I had antibiotics, (she's using the drug term) I have no clue, I only have a reticulation of them because I work for insurance company and I was just on the medication. She then saids are you still taking Yaz? and then I discuss I"m on the depo, then she's going through stuff that it's valid to my visit for the day. About my physical, and wanting to know when I had it or when I'm going to get it done. After going through all that crap, she said the Dr would be in shortly. So, here we are 25 minutes later the Dr finally See's me. She goes through and asks me what I'm doing. I don't even let her give me the questions. I said I've taken everything I was told to and went down the line with her. I even took out the medications out of my purse. Because for the last 2 weeks my purse was looking like a pharmacy! She then flat out pissed me off, because she could see that I came back and I said yes, the day after I saw you I got worse, I was coughing so hard and I couldn't talk, so there for I couldn't work. She said, "Oh, my goodness, I thought I prescribed you antibiotics, I said nope you didn't you said that it was allergies. She got defensive and started to argue. So, Erik stepped in and said that I had gotten worse with 24 hours, and what I was looking for is stronger antibiotics, which I had stated to her as well. This part really amazes me she did research of my symptoms online, was like I went through the correct procedure for what you have. She then goes " Humm" I could tell she had no idea why I was still not better, with getting a dose of antibiotics. I told her that I needed stronger ones, After arguing for the last 20 minutes she put in my prescription for stronger antibiotics. It was decided to some test to see if I had pneumonia or whooping cough. ( which by the way if you have ever had the test, it sucks they put these tubes way up your nose, so uncomfortable) ;(
But, she went out of the room to get a nurse to do the test for me, we waited another 10 minutes, not only could we hear them talking about another patient in the hall but they were sitting right out the room, just letting us wait after we had already waited long enough. The nurse came back, we did the test and were able to finally leave it was about 12:15 when we got out of the office.
All I can say is I wanted ring theirs necks, and Erik and I refuse to pay for the copay for that visit, He already called the billing manager and said he refused to pay it and they said yeah that was too long of a wait and they will waive the co-pay. Yeah justice is served!!

Just call me Sicko

Ok, so this getting old really quick. I was coughing last week off and on. Finally on Wednesday I decided it was time to make an appointment with the doctor. I ended up seeing a new doctor. She was so new that she was getting out her PDA to check off of her information of my symptoms, and not to mention she was looking at this little tiny book to reference medicines to give me. She told me it was allergies. I started to tell her in between my hacking that it wasn't allegries and that I had phelm and I felt awful. She just ingnored and prescribed me another inhaler, (atleast this one was a controlled one) However, when Erik came home with my prescricptions he said they didn't have the strength at the pharmacy so they made a call into the doctor. Are you kidding me? This is vital for me, and I get to spend another night breathing heavy. I was absoutely miserable, I could barely see straight. Erik said I don't care what they told you, you need to go back to the doctor tomorrow, I decided enough is enough and I went to see Dr Hewitt instead. He's my primary care doctor. And, sure enough he took one look at me and said it may have started as allegries. But that I was really sick and that it was time for some antibotics. I have a bacterial infection, that had to of gotten worse in the last day or so. Finally! I also got presribed a couple of other things. I ended up staying home from work both Thursday and Friday! I had almost lost my voice from all the coughing I also ended up with another ear infection. It was really bad on Friday night. Because the ear infection ends up throwing off a person's balance I was having a difficult time. I am on atleast 7 different medications right now. I'm hoping that this is it for the year. I had to take an occurence, miss work, now I can't take my hubby's birthday off. I'm really sad.
On Friday afternoon, I took my final exam for Psych. All I can say is I'm so glad that I'm all done with the semester. It's been rocky. The spring is the hardest. It's been a whole year since I've had a break now. I'm releived, I ended up getting a B for the class. So, now I will sit back. Hopefully lose some of this weight I'm carrying and stay well.

Ready for a break!!

I acomplish the impossible. Or atleast I thought it was impossible. With my Computer Applications course I passed! I got a C. That means I get to move on to the other class and move forward with my degree. I really didn't want to take the class over, plus I couldn't because I was all set up to take the intermidate one. And how I invested so much time only to take it over, and not to mention I would need to wait till next Spring and take it with the same professor.
Now, I have Psych to complete and I'm hoping to come out with a B for the class. I will have 2 successful grades for the semester. I am looking forward to the summer, more time with Hayden. More time with my hubby and time to work out.
I'm looking forward to having a needed break from all the stress. I just got and email from work about 2 open provider anyaslt positions. I'm considering on applying for it. I have to make a decision quick.
Now, I think it's funny, but as soon as finanical aid funds are accounted for they will give me my reward letter, I can't wait to get my books for the fall and dive into my studies early hopefully to prepare for another semester!!

Stress= Bronchitis!!

This is my 2nd time already this year to have Bronchitis. You'd think I was a smoker with how much I've coughed this year. It all started last week, I was stressed about work. I was stressed about school. I was stressed about what my Dad's test results were going to turn out as. I was stressed with Erik. I was stressed but Hayden's breathing condition. Then it all came in full swing as the week progressed because I was going to bed at midnight even 12:30 and getting up at 6:30, a person's body just can't be ran down that much. All the stress did me no good. I ended up starting to cough on Friday morning, the more I was talking the more it went deeper into my lungs. I was using my inhaler, I was drinking water. I was fighting it with everything I had. I even stopped at the drug store on the way to work and picked up some dayquil. I had a 1/2 day on Friday, because I had to head to school and take my Access and Excel test.
Needless to say the 2 hours I had before school started went fast. By the time I eat lunch, and had to change. Their was no time to take a nap. (which I really needed) I ended up getting to school in plently of time only to wait outside the room standing for a good 15 minutes.
I mean it when I say my professor is an absoutle bitch. I'm not even kidding about it. The last time I came into the class I was right on time but I was told where I needed to sit. I sat down only to have her tell me where she wanted me to sit. The first time we had class she wanted us to all be on one side of the room, and this time she wanted us to be all spread out. Everyone is too scared to talk eachother anyway but, no only was I not feeling good but I couldn't really hear very well. I was completly on the opposite side of the room in the corner. My computer was acting funny from the very beginning. I was getting nervous as I was coughing so hard that I felt like I was going to throw up. It wasn't a good feeling at all. She briefy explained what we would be doing. The class didn't end until 5:50 and that she was going to have each of us go in the back of the room and do stuff in Access with her.
She wanted us to grab a number in the box, when it got to my turn which was towards the end I ended up getting #5 even though I was happy to not be last at the sametime I worried about the impact it would have on my test. Everyone had until 5:15 to finish the test. It was not at all what I was prepared for their were questions about formula's and there was all this stuff that I felt like I completly forgot, not to mention my head was hurting really bad.
When the test was beginning I had a rough start because my keys were acting funny I would ask the command with the mouse to bold something and it wouldn't bold it, It wouldn't underline it. I closed the application and had to restart, at first I tried to ask her what was going on and requested to change computers. She said " I can't help you there and walked away" Then she said " Who's Number 5, you'll be after her." I started to get sick to my stomach. I had no idea what she was expecting, at first I was doing great. I knew a couple of the things, I remembered what to do, but then others I was completly lost. She then threw something in I was expecting she asked what the errors were that were coming up. Are you kidding me I worked so hard on joining tables, I had no idea what she was asking. When I got back to my desk 20 minutes had past. And I wasn't even on the next section. I was so frustrasted. I continued to cough though the entire 3 hours. My throat was very raw, and water wasn't working.
It all of sudden was 5:00 and I still had a bunch of steps to do, to make matters worse. Something was wrong with the printer. And she had this rule that you couldn't get up and check if it printed, because of whatever. But, yet it wasn't working so each one by one had to print off stuff at the end. Time was up! Expect I wasn't able to leave. If I wanted to get any credit at all I had to print off my stuff I had thought others would hear my coughing and think I should let her go. I waited and waited some more. And, just in the middle of my coughing. My professor Janice, Said " Why don't you go out here and get a drink of water", very snotty like not concerned, more annoyed then anything. I said" I have water here at my desk, I'm sick " She sorta paused looked at the clock. I think everyone was a little shocked by my reply, But, I was fed up! I was already not sure if I was going to pass the class, after all the hard work I put in. All came down to Access and Xcel. I didn't like it at all. Finally, I was able to print my stupid 4 sheets. I didn't have all of the test so it didn't take long. I couldn't of bolted out of there fast enough. When I got out of the classroom and the building I decided that I had to go to urgent care. Only, I had to go to a Tier 2 ($40) because the one I had in mind closed at 6pm. So, I called Erik right away, because the plan was to get home so he could go out and do his roleplaying. Only, I was feeling like crap and no condition to take care of Hayden alone. Erik was less then thrilled and quite upset with me. It was his 4th time canceling with his group.
I got to urgent care office around 6:30, I waiting maybe a total of 20-25 minutes. The nurse checked me over, than the doctor came in. She was alot better then the one Erik and I had when Hayden had pink eye and we had to come in. She told me that I basically had Bronchitis. Which started to come on because of my allergies and asthma. I couldn't believe my cold turned into Bronchitis that fast. I was miserable. She gave me the choice to get and x-ray and check what was going on maybe, or to get it treated. I told her I just wanted treatment and she prescribed. Presodone for me( 5 days once a day) and Tussin with codoene and another inhaler to help me breath.
I stopped at the pharmacy and picked up my prescriptions, because of my coughing the urgent care Minute Clinic in CVS gave me a mask to where because she thought I would infect everyone. I grapped some soup and ginger ale and picked up my prescriptions and went on my way. I was tired and not feeling well at all.
When I got home, Erik was in the recliner just sitting back, from what it looked like Revenge of the Nerds, didn't say HI or get up. I went to change and came back out and finally Erik got up to help. He got my soup warmed up and was bringing it out to me only he brought the bowl out only for it to be filled to the rim and very hot!! I had to eat because I needed to take my first dose of medicine. I was miserable. And Erik was upset with me for having him cancel his night. I really wanted to see Hayden so I decided to use the soap everytime I coughed, While Hayden was having his tummy time. Erik and I got into a heated arguement. And ended up upset because he pretty much told me that it was my completly my fault and how things turned out for the week. ALl because I said that I stressed myself out, and got sick.
I hate yelling infront of Hayden, and so does Erik but we went into the bedroom and worked things out. I don't know what the weeks will bring, But, I'm hoping to god by some miracle I pass the Computer Applications class. I don't want to take it over again. I'm starting to wonder if I'm cut out for college. Erik was being so mean on Friday night. Because I said that I was worried about the Fall, because he was going to take 3 courses and that my school stuff doesn't seem to be as important as his. He said " So, drop out Lindsay" When the truth is I'm come along way and why would I just flush that down the drain. We argued back and forth. And finally I said that I didn't want to argue anymore, I didn't have the engery to and went to bed.
Saturday morning, we woke up and apolgized to eachother, and went over a couple of things and got right to work on our Psych pratice test. We ended up getting done and heading out for dinner and we stopped at Babies R US, and got Hayden some things, we had a nice family night. We also stopped at Best Buy!! We went home and Erik and I watched. Do you hear about the Morgans? Erik gave me a nice foot rub, after I had a shower.
On Sunday I slept in again, and Erik and I headed out to Sandy's (my mother in law birthday celebration) She wanted to go to a little Mom and Pop dinner in Shapokee. But, when we got there the wait was going to be over an hour. Erik and I were so annoyed. But, as I was recovering I didn't want to get all worked up about it so I just went with the flow. But, then Sandy said she wanted to go to Perkins. Great! I knew the food wasn't going to be great and the service was going to be so-so. Sure enough, we waited forever, are waitress was slow and the food was so-so. But, I made the best of it. All I cared about was the good company I had. It went really well and Erik and Beth (my sister in law) went to Cost-co and I took Damion and Hayden back to my place and we played a little Wii before they came back.
Right now all I am thinking about is how the house is an absoutle mess. But, I must take a easy tonight when picking up. Because the house can wait. I need to get better.
All in all it was an alright weekend. It didn't go as planned that's for sure, I didn't get Hayden's 6 month pictures done and I didn't get to see my parents, they didn't get to come over and see Hayden. But, hopefully everything with school and whatever else will work at in the end!!

Hayden's Big Appointment

Erik and I felt it was time to take Hayden to a Respiratory Specialist. It's Children's Respiratory and Critical Care Specialist in Minnetonka. Hayden had an x-ray done, a long office visit with the specialist and an upper GI scan. The x-ray showed that he had blockage in his lungs. His appointment with Dr. McNamara. It went great as well, we really like this doctor. He seemed very knowlegable of his field and he went over all our questions slowly and respectfully. He needed to be but back on a steroid. To kick this infection. He told since he's RSV he's not able to fight off all this congestion in his lungs, which starts his wheezing, it was uncontrolled asthma, but now he has a plan. It's the GREEN, YELLOW and RED zone. He has different types of medicines depending on what zone he's in. He's in the RED zone right now, which means he's on 5 different meds. The doctor wants us to come back in 6 weeks and see if his breathing has improved. He's got another nebulizer med. it's pulmicort it's a more long acting relief instead of albuterol which just helps for 6 hours or so and then he's right back to breathing hard. Where already hearing and noticing an improvement on his breathing. The only really big change is that he has to have the mask completely on him the whole time. It can't just be up to his face. He has to have it over his mouth and nose. Which Hayden really hates, he's cries really hard and it just breaks my heart, but I know that it's a good thing what we're doing.
After his treatment plan was laided out with the doctor. It was time to make sure that Hayden wasn't aspirating when he eats. So they did the GI scan. And we watched his fluid go down the pipes. Everything looked good, he had one little episode of aspirating but other then that great. It was so neat to see his stomach fill up. And, so that's a relief. When the appointment was all done, Erik, Hayden and I grabbed a quick bite, and then it was all time for us to take a nap from that long day. I'm so glad I just took the day off instead. It was such a long day, but I'm glad we have a plan now and it looks like Hayden can only get better from here!!

And today Hayden' is 6 months!! I still can't even believe it!!