New Life

I must say that I have a new life, I had a lot of things happen since I last wrote a post. I found myself stressed and unhappy. But, I didn't share that fact with most, not even my closest friends knew. I found out at the end of February, that I was going to have a surgery. I don't know why but as I started to recover, I was looking at my life differently. I always felt unhappy with the way the years were going with my husband. He wasn't the man I thought he was. It started so long ago, and because of all the emotional abuse I endured over the years, I ended up starting to feel like it was all my fault. But, once I had time by myself to really reflect it hit me. I was home for 6 weeks just about by myself. Hayden was in daycare everyday, and I did have homework to do each day, But, I was able to really think about things for hours without anybody around. And, with it being my 30th birthday soon, I just realized that I wanted more than what I was getting. It was scary to come to that conclusion. I wanted answers or some kind of closure and I ended up getting more of an insight than I could ever imagine. And, shortly before I was about to return to work. I was just sitting their one day, doing my homework. And, I got a message on my phone. Now when I tell you this story. It will seem crazy but it's important. It simply was a sign that I could finally get the answers I was looking for from my past. I thought ok, why is this guy following me on Facebook at all, but were not friends. It didn't make sense to me, so I decided shortly after a day, that I would request him as a friend. This guy was my first crush from High School, and even though I did we never dated, we didn't run in the same circles. Then we graduated and I started to think about him even when I had I decided in 2004 to contact him on Classmates, and then we were talking. Then one night he invited me over, but he was drunk. We made out and it got pretty hot quick, But, it wasn't meant to be that night. The next couple of days, it was hardly any texts and from then on I never heard from again. Even after I got married, I thought about him sometimes. It happened so often that I started to get frustrated and would try to ignore it. I tried throughout my marriage to have him accept me as a friend on My Space and than Facebook. For 7 years after our one night, I never understood why he would blow me off like that. That is why this is now not a crush. This is a hope for something that I can't even put into words,  And, within 4 hours he accepted. Then, I thought ok do I message him, what should I do, the next day I decided to send a message of just Hi with a smile. And, I think it was pretty quickly he sent back, Hey, How are you? and from their, it was very slow. We message each other back and forth, he said that he only hoped good things for me. And, than I guess, it was a week before I got a reply, it was one week before I was going to return to work. We then texted. And, well I had a lot of insight and what he was saying. I cant reveal this guys name yet. BUT, what I can say is that I really like him and always have, and I'm not sure if I ever will have closure on this, but I really hope that I can find out, as he said where things could go between us. But, it's still too early, and I need to not rush this and not get too hopeful god knows I went through so much pain. I really want to remain positive and hope for great things. And, some days I can hold on to that hope and other days I'm not so sure. I guess only time will tell.