Feeling the weight

and my back, thighs. I feel completly blessed to have a healthy baby boy. I just wish I didn't have 30 extra pounds to lose before I'm out of the obese danger zone. I know being 220 is the heaviest I've ever been. When I was about 21-22 I was almost 209 pounds but shortly after that made some changes and dropped down to 175 before my wedding. But, now I have to lose atleast 30 to be at my pre-pregnancy weight. My goodness, then because I was overweight before I got pregnant I have to lose another 30 pounds. I was working out really good before, now I feel like I'm starting over again. why does my weight have to go up and down all the time?
When I was doing my Wii fit last night, I realized that I'm really out of shape. Plus, before I was sick I was feeling really good, I was in the zone. I could do the yoga posses and my balance seemed to impove. But, because I took a hitatus of more than 3 weeks. My body is much weaker and I still need to reach my first goal of being at 200 pounds.
I've never been this big in all of my life. It's a different feeling. It's quite depressing. I know that I can get there, it's just difficult to go into the closet and go well, I can't wear that today, or that. I'm to big for most my outfits but I refuse to purchase 1X and huge pants. Not only do I not want to spend the money on clothes I plan on never whereing again. But, they charge extra at the department stores. They punish people that are bigger.
I know that I'm slightly in danger of getting dietbetes because of my weight. I just don't want to have that happen. I'm sure I'm jumping to conclusions and being overly worried about it but, I can only hope I get in shape by my son's 1st birthday!