My Impatient Self

I've always been a little on edge. But, I really dislike this trait about myself. I have a hard time waiting for anything it seems. Why do I bring this up you ask. Well, I'm all about self reflecting on myself and why I am the way that I am. It's taken over 10 years to figure out why I get so worked up about the house not being clean, and why the little errands to run can't wait another day.
I've found the perfect example. I've been holding on to this stitching project that I worked on for my last mytomemy procedure in 2007, I made this baby project hoping that one day I would be able to put Hayden or Ella on it with the weight and time. Well, it finally happenend I had my little one and I wanted to make it really nice, with the help of my mom. She's so sweet she got the frame, the matting, the trim, and whatever else was needed. WE worked on it this past weekend getting it all put together. I was so excited to have it finally completed. Since, it's been in the making for atleast 3 years. Erik and I bring it home on Saturday night from my parents house. And, well it's just sitting down on the floor in Hayden's room. I could very well put it up myself, but I wanted help. I got so mad at Erik when he said I will help you on the weekend. I'm all about lets get it done now. Why must a simple task wait till the weekend?
Which I've concluded the mystery. Not only am I impatient. But, it seems that everything has to be this huge hassle and then your told oh I'll get it mailed to you by this date. Or it should be in the system today? or I will get that done for you and it isn't done. Only to find that not only is nobody doing their job in your opioion. But, you come to the house being a distaster. Some people get comfort from food, I get comfort from cleaning the house. But, like many people I get exhausted (especially since I have a baby with a cold that won't sleep through the night right now)
I get on average 6 hours of sleep. And, if I want the house to look semi decent I have to decide what's more important the kitchen getting clean or a shower? Sometimes I can pick both but most nights. I just want a sense of control in this chaotic life that I seem to have. I know I've made my choices. I chose to go to school, work full time and raise my family. Plus try and be there for my husband through all his stuff. All the demands of life, drain me and I find myself getting headaches and stomaches.
I can't control most things so I clean or get so worked up on cleaning because I can contrl that. But, what I realize I can control it because I do it. But, I can't control Erik doing it. As much as I would like him to do it, he just won't on some things. I'm not sure how to handle it. Because, if I keep continuing to get worked up it could rub off onto Hayden. And I don't want him to be so high strung. I was laid back while I was pregnant, but that was short lived. I'm back to being my edgy self. I hope to now come up with methods to calm my nerves.